It started on the Sofa like all interesting things do, then 3 amazing nights performing at HOME, now the touring bit, to new places and old places and Barnsley and Harrogate, new ground for me. I yes I do have my day job and yes sometimes is a bit of a squeeze, but I always think these things make you stronger and more focused and I am proud to be part of a long long tradition of creative people on the leading edge the cusp of something great often work in bar or 3 bars and one other job and when I think of all my amazing friends in New York working that Cabaret Scene and 3 other jobs well I shall not complain I shall keep Going , and the other day at HOME we were chatting to our server who had just made a record with Iggy Pop!!! And yes of course to do this show biz thing full time is the aim but in the meantime we do everything we can to stay afloat and to float freely to make to creative to reflect ….but today is all mine I do that thing I CHOOSE REHEARSAL I CHOOSE LIFE to quote Transporting ! I’m gonna be late for rehearsing now ..gotta dash …sending creative juices to us all x
Giddy to be part of PUSH Festival 2017 at HOME. It’s great to be part of something in your own town because this town in a big town and there are many audiences within audiences in this town and THAT’S what I’m really looking forward to.
That and the chance to perform three nights in a row, like a long-jumper, three goes to get a Personal Best! As Esther says, “Everything is always working out for me” – I might get a Personal Best every night!
I hope you’ll be part of the new audience that I’m searching for as I search for ‘A Place Called Happiness.”
I have an aversion/ resistance to planning for the future. I am having to face it because things like putting on a tour for a show needs it. Thankfully I have help ( big up the House of Compton aka Jayne Compton. But its peculiar to me, I don’t like to show off, I don’t want anyone who may be reading this to get the feeling that I live with purpose in the MOMENT full of MINDFULNESS because I don’t …I live in the Oh crap I should of done that oh damn I’ve missed another deadline …Oh crap my head is full of fuzz today and I cannot think clear and well….oh why is my T-shirt inside out and my jumper back to front ( I do actually prefer this look ) but I struggling with what is it …I really don’t know…I like to let things unfurl … modern life come on, give us some space to let things unfurl…
And sometimes things don’t hit the spot, for example I had a bad day with my show last week, my head was blank, I had zero presence, and I started to wobble really quickly, I lost my story, my motive, and its a horrible feeling when you are the ‘Show’ when you only have you, and your just not feeling it. If I worked in a bookies or on reception in a Office maybe I could get away with it, I could fake it …But hey I will get over it I will recover the balance…to be human, to not be your tip top best all the flipping time, this is what I’m gonna try and embrace, and be gentler with my little self.
I want to send out a message today to all of us who push and pull too much with expectations beyond our means from time to time…..
These are some of the things that made me Happy in Provincetown …
The renaming of the Provincetown Inn from the Shinning to the Shimmering by Ken .
Breakfast time with all you legends ( you know who you are ) extra star points to Joey Arias for stunning black ensembles at the breakfast table ( extra points also to Heather Litteer for epic pre breakfast cycling/running…and for the laughing Raquel,Somer, Brian, Molly, Drew, Ken ….
The feeling of belonging to the human race..and a community of creative souls
The kindness and support I felt for my first performance on a International stage !!
I felt free.
I continue to hold that spirit .
Inspired by all of you .
Note to self : Don’t forget there’s a world out there…..
And so its really happening …lets get this Afterglow a glowing …but we are late and we are going to have to run …in these heels …across to get the ferry …or we will just have to do the show right here !!!
So excited to be part of this years cosmic Afterglow ….come on down tonight to the Gala if your in town xxxxx
Some serious thing happened this summer. My desire to perform and develop my audience abroad has come to reality. Mx Vivian Bond started it by introducing me to Quinn Cox, who took the baton and invited me to Afterglow Festival last year. Now the British Council and the Arts Council have enabled me to live the dream with an Artists’ International Development Fund.
I am so thrilled to be getting this special funding which enables me to go to Afterglow to do my show in September, followed by a research trip to New York forging relationships and connections with people and places to help make a 2017 tour possible.
I have never stretched myself to do work abroad before. It feels different, and it’s good to see what you can do out of your range, out of the spaces you are used to. Part of me is nervous, part of me is anxious and part of me is so ready for this stretching my wings across the ocean.
And so my ‘A Place Called Happiness‘ is packing its little bags and Sandra the Laptop is getting a special plug adapter…
Dear Diary, well I managed to get away from the coalface of work, work, werk and have ended up on the French Riviera in a house on a Golf Resort with a view of woods and golfers and an eagle ( Of course ) driving around in an BMW X3 ( I know – I didn’t even know what an X3 was ) I feel peculiar like I’m in someone else’s life – like a minor soap actor or a wife of a minor soap actor…anyway get to the point Debs !! Its all about Esther, Esther Hicks is doing stuff to me, she is teaching me the art of allowing the art of making absolute peace with where you are right now, about living the life you want to life now, creating the feeling of what it would feel like but feel it now about building up the law of attraction about feeling better thoughts better thoughts its all about feeling and having better thoughts …..the vortex the frequency the don’t wait don’t have bad thoughts if they make you feel bad…….but if you do have them be gentle with them …let yourself off, accept that moment….
And so my head has had space to think about the stuff I make – to give is some space to soak up fresh air to re-frame to really mean it…so set forth desires ..shoot up rockets of desire …..so come on lets all have what we want lets shoot up our rockets of desire …..
To keep my self grounded and not let all this Riviera way of life go to my head I have brought and am reading the Grapes of Wrath by John Steinbeck just to keep it real n all…
In a post show analytical mood, it needs to be done, so you can move forward but it means I’m back on the sofa, its tricky, the question now what ? Is in the front of my mind, and everything I thought I learnt last year on the sofa seems a little bit hard to reach and get hold of.
So I say to myself I want to be busy, Debs there is so much to do you can have busy, busy is right here in front of you …I want paid creative and uncreative work…I want the things I make to put bread and butter and cheese on my plate …its simple isn’t folks its simple ….
today is about reaching out for ideas on on to put bread and butter on my plate and about not beating myself up for not feeling like I can achieve that.
so i’m floating out there ….
work come to me…space come to me…gigs come to me …and I will come to you with energy and clarity …
I feel better for that..Happy Thursday full of clarity to us all
I will be on stage….on the right lay line, in the right pants, facing the right way in the right place with everything aligned ..fingers crossed.
This show has such a different energy which I’ve only just realised now , and maybe, fingers crossed, I can have some fun tomorrow night, I don’t usually do fun I’m not a fun person, maybe fun is the wrong word, playful silly, maybe they are better words …..
Silly . Alive . Yes, and a sea of faces that I will know and some I will not . We come together to co create . I am now going to have a lesson on how to put some make up on !!! Help !!!
See you tomorrow in space one …lets have it
Huge thanks to Nicola Mostyn for a great piece in Big Issue North, where she interviewed me about A Place Called Happiness ahead of its premier at Contact.
What a pleasure being on The Exchange programme on Gaydio tonight, I hope I came across okay because I do ramble. But really interesting questions about vocation, and the imposter syndrome (had to come home and Google it) but then realised I suffer from it!! How funny.
Home now to a jacket potato and antibiotics – living the dream here in Salford! Here it is if you want a listen.
I’m not sure about making New Year’s resolutions to myself – I’m not sure I even believe in the repetitive cycle of new year old year new year old year. We actually had a Happy Old Year party on Tuesday this week and that felt good.
Sometimes you just want to go against the grain, to go with your own flow, and it’s with that spirit that I’m entering a new Time Zone. Because I feel as though last year was a fallow year, like when farmers leave a field in fallow to rest and then the following year the crop will be better….so following my fallow year I’m hoping my crop will be healthy and better and more tasty.
And so I’m kicking it off with six weeks in Make A Solo Show Bootcamp !!!
And I hope you will come and see the results !!!
What’s it about?
It’s like when someone has a second midlife crisis because the first one was so good, but this time they really want to get to the bottom of why they are still not happy. This is what happened to me during of year of thinking I wanted to be happy but actually that wasn’t what it was all about, that would be too simple wouldn’t it! It’s the sequel to ‘Hi, Anxitey’, and maybe I should have called it ‘Hi, Happiness’.
I hope you’ll be part of it because stuff only comes alive when it’s in front of an audience really and that’s you.
Over the next six weeks I’ll be in showtime bootcamp, getting ready to welcome you to ‘A Place Called Happiness’ at the Contact Theatre on Wednesday 10th February. Click to book your tickets here.
And here’s a little film for you to watch:
‘Got to keep on keeping on’ – at least that’s what the Women from First Aid Kit sing, and I feel it. A week in that London was a smorgasbord of conversations with strangers and makers and creators, no age restrictions, I had the joy of the 21st Tea Dance at the Albany, singers in their Golden years 70’s and 80’s performing and taking that stage, hosted by the one and only Chris Green doing an amazing David Bowie. So what do I now know? I know to stop with the thinking and get the stuff out of my head. Whats interesting is how something then changes as soon as it hits the air out loud in front of other humans, a chemical happening happens. I Love that. I really needed that. So big thanks to the tiny but giving audience who have helped set me up for the next stage of making,( Mark W, thank you for spending a day in the dark looking at my crappy camera footage ! I made you laugh a little bit so thats good ) I like this sharing concept it works, and thanks to all at the Albany and all the folks who shared time with me in the cafe or corridors.
And yes apparently the show has got legs !!!!! Phew .
Don’t know what its all about by I can’t seem to let go and sleep deeply, the voices in my mind are chatting away to me most of the night, I thinks its coz lots of stuff is going on in the making of something . I’m gathering conversations, remembering connections with strangers, snippets of other peoples lives, and I feel very here, turns out I don’t need that much, turns out I’m not alone, turns out most of our Happiness is very simple this….
So I am doing a sharing tomorrow in a studio space here at the Albany, no lights no tech, no theatre, just me, some stories, some film, some documentation,some sounds. After its done, there will be more I hope.
I will be at the Albany Deptford for the week of 26th October working on (playing with) my next show ‘A Place Called Happiness’,I cannot wait. It’s always good to get away but even better to have somewhere to go to work from, and I love the Albany its got soul and a proper neighbourhoody feel about it. Feeling positive and open to what ever will happen, and I plan to not make plans but to get lost and found and let stuff happen !
If anyone is passing through do let me know …and if anyone knows about any wild untamed secret bits of the Deptford area please let me know!!!
Happy Monday to us all what ever we are doing, and remember it was Friday 3 days ago, and it will be Friday again in 3 more if you dont count today …dont be sad