I will be on stage….on the right lay line, in the right pants, facing the right way in the right place with everything aligned ..fingers crossed.
This show has such a different energy which I’ve only just realised now , and maybe, fingers crossed, I can have some fun tomorrow night, I don’t usually do fun I’m not a fun person, maybe fun is the wrong word, playful silly, maybe they are better words …..
Silly . Alive . Yes, and a sea of faces that I will know and some I will not . We come together to co create . I am now going to have a lesson on how to put some make up on !!! Help !!!
See you tomorrow in space one …lets have it
What a pleasure being on The Exchange programme on Gaydio tonight, I hope I came across okay because I do ramble. But really interesting questions about vocation, and the imposter syndrome (had to come home and Google it) but then realised I suffer from it!! How funny.
Home now to a jacket potato and antibiotics – living the dream here in Salford! Here it is if you want a listen.
I’m not sure about making New Year’s resolutions to myself – I’m not sure I even believe in the repetitive cycle of new year old year new year old year. We actually had a Happy Old Year party on Tuesday this week and that felt good.
Sometimes you just want to go against the grain, to go with your own flow, and it’s with that spirit that I’m entering a new Time Zone. Because I feel as though last year was a fallow year, like when farmers leave a field in fallow to rest and then the following year the crop will be better….so following my fallow year I’m hoping my crop will be healthy and better and more tasty.
And so I’m kicking it off with six weeks in Make A Solo Show Bootcamp !!!
And I hope you will come and see the results !!!
What’s it about?
It’s like when someone has a second midlife crisis because the first one was so good, but this time they really want to get to the bottom of why they are still not happy. This is what happened to me during of year of thinking I wanted to be happy but actually that wasn’t what it was all about, that would be too simple wouldn’t it! It’s the sequel to ‘Hi, Anxitey’, and maybe I should have called it ‘Hi, Happiness’.
I hope you’ll be part of it because stuff only comes alive when it’s in front of an audience really and that’s you.
Over the next six weeks I’ll be in showtime bootcamp, getting ready to welcome you to ‘A Place Called Happiness’ at the Contact Theatre on Wednesday 10th February. Click to book your tickets here.
And here’s a little film for you to watch:
Okay the sun is starting to poke about on a more daily showing, and to most people it seems to have this switch effect like someone just switched on the Happy Button. Which is great, it really is, but I’ve realised that I’m not one of these people and I need more to switch my Happy Button, and, well I’m coming out as a person who does not feel the sun giving me a sunny disposition, but I will try and go out in in and sit and feel its heat……but sometimes if you feel low the sun can actually make it worse, and you gotta laugh. My Mum can come down in many environments, she is a expert she can let a room bring her down, lighting may bring her down, too many trees can bring her down, she is professional, our street actually brought her down on Easter Monday, yep our lovely little street!But I admire her honesty, she is real she is totally being herself. So what am I trying to say today,that maybe Happiness is a little shallow, its a shallow pool too shallow to swim fully in but you can lie in it and splash about if you need to…..I’m trying to reflect on a morning spent reading experts advice on how to have a happy life, there are people making really good lives out of telling showing others how to be Happy, business is good. I am taking it all in, do I sound sarcastic ? OOops maybe I do, but this is me, and happiness is complicated, and that’s why I’m gonna make a show about it, I need something to counter balance my amazing career as Waitress of the Year, the pressure is too much, so I’m getting back into the Show Saddle.
And I may need you to help with my research….so don’t let the sun distract you find your inner balance, keep making lists, and act like you want to feel (ps that’s not my idea that’s one of the Happy Experts ideas, I think its fine to borrow though)
Go out and borrow things and make them your own….
I’m going to walk round the park and try feel the sun ..
ta ta for now
Nail biting and chewing as I wait and wait for news from Edinburgh Fringe, all I can do wait and be prepared to spring into fundraising action!!! Meanwhile the second show is brewing and starting to grow, in my head . I’m in the middle of a Trilogy so that’s nice, I’ve never been in a Trilogy before. And so after a tricky start to a new year I feel poised like a yoga goer in a new clean leotard ready to go back to class. Wishing everyone a cosmic, upturn of good fortune and lucky breaks for March and the coming of the SPRING !!!
Dear Fringe, I am writing to say that I would love to bring my Show Hi Anxiety to the Fringe. Even though over the years I have done the Fringe you have deeply hurt me and challenged me, and broken me in cash terms and emotionally, drained the life out of me, but having said that I met some of the most amazing people who are solid friends and would do anything for you. Oh and the views and the bars and the Scottish lust for life, lust for living is catching. But creatively I am totally bemused by what’s supposed to happen, and is it a good idea is it good for your Creative track record, do you get a badge at the end? Because its such an extreme idea isn’t it to go into a small space and perform in a time slot like 11 am, I’m not been funny but that like makes no sense to my body or brain or soul, but hey if it works for you, I guess at least then you v’e got the day to yourself to recover from performing to 2 people, to tell yourself not to take in personally, to try and love yourself and not to cry.And so having said all this, I’ve realised that I’m up still up for it and that whatever doesn’t break you makes you stronger, and even though you reap what you sow, ( I’m not even sure what the harvest crop would be) apart from some crazy nights out, some cracking life changing hangovers, some new friends some bloody great stories some incidents in gay bars and possible an audience greater than 2.So Dearest Fringe I wonder if someone could get back to me ASAP, about coming up that is.
All the best
I had a ball performing at Mothers Ruin on Friday 12th September, you know when you’re in Flow, and you totally let go on stage (not like that, let go creatively silly!) But in the build up to this outing I was dealing with the ‘tricky second show’, which is totally like the ‘tricky second album’. I was blocked, creatively constipated, stuck, down, confuzzled, apathetic and just plain “what have I got to say, about anything, a big zero of nothing, that’s what.” And so when, 2 hours before the show, I decided to give my self an award on stage to get me ON to the stage, I found a plastic bunny fromPoundland that lights up – bloody brilliant – and that would be my ON. I accepted the Bunny Of Hope Award in recognition of a life time achievement in the search for Happiness…and so my new show “What the F**k is Happiness” was born….and the making of the Tricky Second Show has begun.
It’s not over. And it’s collectives like Mothers Ruin that are giving people like me – the folk who are makers in their own kitchens, lounges, bedrooms, the daydreamers on the bus, the people who think they’ve got nothing much to say but sometimes find themselves on stage having a collective experience of joyful silliness and laughter – the chance to feel part of a community, a collective, a place to belong. So thank you Mothers Ruin, thank you the open warm audience of Kings Arms and thank you to the Bunny Of Hope. And I would like to send this award out to all of us today who are feeling a bit Blah…
Well, its post the showing of the show, to a warm packed room of folk, we all shared tears and laughter, a very special night.And now I am ready to proceed with what I learnt. Having recovered from being overwhelmed and exhausted emotionally and physically, I’ve learnt just how much it takes to do a one person show, how much focus and energy you need, how much faith you need, how much you cannot let any seeds of doubt enter your mind.And then you have to put all of that to one side,put yourself to one side and really look at the show, what does it need what can it lose. Having had sometime to sift through all the great feedback, negative becomes positive, and can I just say I’m loving the way things grow, I’m loving being open to sharing the work and taking in the changes, I would never of been able to do this before, and now is the time, loving the process,becomes loving working with it. Team Hi Anxiety is go.
I loved performing Hi, Anxiety at the Contact earlier this year. The 30 minute work in progress has now been developed into an hour long show – still a work in progress! – and I get to perform it as part of the Women In Comedy Festival in October.
I’m performing at the gorgeous Ducie Bridge in town, they’re lovely friendly staff, we can take beer up stairs into the venue – and they’ve even got a lovely smoking terrace on the first floor!
The show is on for one night only and it’s on Tuesday 22nd October, 8pm – 9pm. Tickets are sold on the door with all proceeds going to a local Bipolar Support group.
Hope to see you there!
Map to Ducie Bridge here
More on the Women in Comedy Festival here
Got my first review of Hi, Anxiety and it’s really positive, am so happy. Thanks so much to Alison for taking the time to write it, it means a lot and makes me feel happy that I’m on the right track with the show. The review site is ace – they only review things they love, to share the joy – what a great ethos! They say,
“We are a good news, happy go-lucky, flipside of the coin, other side of the rainbow, everyone’s a winner sort of a website. We look at fringe, London based and regional theatre, old and new films, current events, festivals, gigs and much… much more and we pick out the ones we liked or really think we should advertise and we review it here, for you.”
I was also given my very first 5 star rating here by Alison. This is a fantastic blog for women in Manchester by four Manchester women! I’m chuffed to be included on her site and would recommend checking it out if you get a chance.
Feel very odd but its just pre show nerves as usual, but feel very lucky to be able to share the work done so far, its all come together so well.A few people I want to thank, Ashley Knowles my amazing ace directer, the techie staff at Contact, Lindsey and Lee, staff at the National Cycling Centre, so generous, Bob Barber thank you for the Turbo Trainer,Peter thanks for letting me have a sneaky look at our British cycling squad working on the track very exciting!! Thank you to friends for lending stuff, and time, and support and skills, Teresa you wonder, Ian sound engineer to the stars! Rhiannon for providing empty lager cans, David for rehearsal space at Frog,oh and the van, and Leon the bike is ace, and Zoe at Teacup for letting me have time to create this work, Ruby for listening, so with all this I go forward tonight to just do it let it be out in the world and hope it touches someone….someone…
Thought I’d share a little sneaky peak of Thursday’s show with you. Rehearsals start proper on Monday and I’m raring to go – really looking to bringing it all to life!