I have an aversion/ resistance to planning for the future. I am having to face it because things like putting on a tour for a show needs it. Thankfully I have help ( big up the House of Compton aka Jayne Compton. But its peculiar to me, I don’t like to show off, I don’t want anyone who may be reading this to get the feeling that I live with purpose in the MOMENT full of MINDFULNESS because I don’t …I live in the Oh crap I should of done that oh damn I’ve missed another deadline …Oh crap my head is full of fuzz today and I cannot think clear and well….oh why is my T-shirt  inside out and my jumper back to front ( I do actually prefer this look ) but I struggling with what is it …I really don’t know…I like to let things unfurl … modern life come on, give us some space to let things unfurl…

And sometimes things don’t hit the spot, for example I had a bad day with my show last week, my head was blank, I had zero presence, and I started to wobble really quickly, I lost my story, my motive, and its a horrible feeling when you are the ‘Show’ when you only have you, and your just not feeling it. If I worked in a bookies or on reception in a Office  maybe I could get away with it, I could fake it …But hey I will get over it I will recover the balance…to be human, to not be your tip top best all the flipping time, this is what I’m gonna try and embrace, and be gentler with  my little self.

I want to  send out a  message today to all of us who push and pull too much with expectations beyond our means from time to time…..